Introversion is awesome as a career tool. As an introvert your low tolerance for dopamine makes it easier for you to stay focused for long periods of time. It makes it easy for you to really feel a high level of engagement in complex and creative tasks where you have to look inwards. At this point in my career id say that introversion is my super power. I trust my ability to reflect and analyze. I trust myself with the notion that any task I get, I can solve when I get to ponder it on my own, behind a closed door.
What’s wrong with small talk?
There is nothing wrong with it. I just find It smaller than the thoughts in my own head.
When a conversation is great it is because it tells you things you didn’t already know. Small talk is usually about pointing out things that is painfully obvious to anyone with a brain
-“We are having some nice weather, looks like it will be a good day…”
-“ You only say that beacause the zombies haven’t arrived yet”.
Small talk is the equivalent of when someone gives a presentation and keeps reading the words projected on the wall to everyone in the room.
What is an ideal partner (in love matters) for introvert?
According to some studies we tend to make friends out of people that are similar to us. We also tend to recruit people who are similar. They remind us of ourselves (“The right stuff”). When it comes to love however we do seem to be attracted by opposites. I guess some people like to move forward, take chances and be spontanteous (extraverts). And those people need an anchor, someone to tell them to slow down, to think about their decisions (introverts). Any vehicle that comes to mind needs both the gas and the brake. That’s what I think the ”opposites attract” statement is about. This might also explain why we can make each other crazy sometimes. I think there is a spark as well as a challenge in being around our opposites.
What do you think is the best aspect of being an introvert?
The sense of being content at most times. If you end up having to be forced to wait for an hour because you forgot your house keys, to most introverts that no problem. With a low tolerance for dopamine you always have enough happening to keep you engaged. That talent on the flip side is the cryptonite of introverts – Being drained and overwhelmed by massive social situations.
What is the challenge growing up as an introverted child?
Being taught that introversion is something you should try to “fix”. If you’re a child and keep getting the feedback that your not enough when you are truly just being yourself, well it is not hard to see why that would take a chunk out of someones self esteem.
The introverted kid of today will often face a challenge in finding downtime. Modern parenting seem to focus on adding activities to a childs day rather than ensuring time for reflection and solitude. Some children love to spend time by themselves. But while growing up so many will hear from adults that this is ”odd behaviour”.
I think all kids needs to hear that they are ok.
A friend of mine told me how she has this amazing phrase she tells her children before they go to sleep every night ”You are exactly like you are supposed to”
Do you have any messages or advice for introverts struggling with extroverted society?
It is very common to have a social persona as well as a private persona. This is a healthy strategy. Just make sure that you are yourself at least half of the time. To adapt in order so solve a situation is a great skill, its even considered to a talent to have role agility. It is never a problem as long as you know what you are underneath. Many people are so convinced that they are extravert because they try so hard to behave that way. But introversion and extraversion is biological (its included in the big five of personality traits). So regardless if you behave extraverted your personality will remain introverted if that’s how your wired biologically. This I why it is not really possible to see who is the introvert in the crowd, Introversion does not describe how you act but rather how you feel. So to sum up: embrace the introverted side of yourself. Be patriotic towards your personality and don’t feel bad to turn downt the occasional party when your social batteries are drained.
Carl Jung once stated,”if you find someone who is 100% introverted, you are obviously in an insane asylum”. We all have both introverted and extraverted traits, we are just balanced a bit differently. With that said I think it is important to understand that introverts and extraverts are not from different planets. =)
I think the important thing for the more extraverted people is to understand that there is a strong need for solitude in a more introverted person. Also they could respect that introverts has a tendency to appreciate when events are planned ahead (more specifically : introverts in general hate it when people just show up on their doorstep unannounced. Being spontaneous is a trait reserved for extraverts. Another common misunderstanding is that a lack of eye contact in a conversation is a sign of uninterest. A typical introverted characteristic is to look away from the person speaking.
There is a great saying “before you judge someone you should walk a mile in their shoes”. Its apparently a very practical approach since it means you will be one mile away from the person you critizise and you will have that persons shoes in your possession. However the deeper meaning behind it is about tolerance.
Because If you get to understand how someone looks upon life or the way that person perceives a crowded room, then that view is going to make you tolerant for the differences between you. It is virtually impossible to dislike someone you understand.
And lastly, how should introverts treat extroverts?
The main thing is to embrace the differences and laugh at them together. Some of my very best friends are extraverted and the reason why we get along is the tolerance and understanding that we have over each others quirks.